This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.
What am I looking at, Son? Who’s this a picture of? I don’t recognize him.
It’s me? No way, Son. That’s crazy! He doesn’t look anything like me. He’s so small and young. Not an ounce of beef on him. And what’s with that haircut? Never seen anything like that, Son. What do you even call that? A fo-what? A fauxhawk? I guess that’s what the kids are doing these days.
Now that you mention it, Son, I guess there is a little bit of a resemblance. This guy on your phone has my eyes, my nose. Maybe the forehead looks similar. Are you kidding me, Son? Playing a joke on Your old dad?
Wait a minute, Son. What are all these other photos? You’ve got pictures of this guy lifting weights in the basement of O/our house. Here’s a picture of him reading a book. I can’t make out the title—how do you zoom in on this photo, Son? Dad Skills: How to be an Awesome Father and Impress all the Other Parents? Son, what is this next picture? It looks like this guy is getting his head shaved, but only the top. Who would get their hair cut to look like male pattern baldness?
Oh, God. Son, this is me. I remember now. I remember all of it. You’re not really my Son, You’re a guy I met on Grindr. What have You done to me, Son? How did You turn me from the guy in the picture into Your old dad? And why do I like it so much?
Oh. Okay, Son. You’re right, dads don’t question their hot Sons—they obey their hot Sons. And dads listen to their hot Sons, are controlled by their hot Sons. Damn, Son, You’re looking so good in that tight shirt. Can I massage Your pecs when You get back from the gym? Yes, Son, I’ll kneel in my room until You get back from the gym. Thank You, Son. It’s a pleasure to serve You.
Hang on, Son, You almost left without Your phone. Wait a minute, who’s this guy in the picture? I don’t recognize him. New boyfriend of Yours?
No? Good. To be honest, Son, he doesn’t look like Your type.
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