This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

Aw, man, why do you do this to me all the time? Why do you make me remember everything when there’s nothing I can do but sit here and dwell on it? 

Surely you’ve had enough fun with me by now. I told you, if you let me go, I promise I won’t tell anyone where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing. I’ll make something up. I’ll tell everyone I was a drug addict or I was in a coma or something. Anything, but I promise your name will never come up. 

You don’t even have to tell me where we are. Just leave me at a rest stop, unlock my memory, and drive off. I’m smart and resourceful, I’ll find my way home. Just please let me go. 

You’ve got that look in your eye, man. That look that says you’re going to play around with me. You’re going to get me all confused again. You’re going to make me remember to forget and forget to remember. 

Yeah, man. I do feel really relaxed. How’d you know? Maybe I should just lean back into this chair for a minute and— 

Aw, come on, man, quit messing with me. Either keep me the way you like me or put me back to normal and let me go. I can’t stand this in-between stuff, where I know what you’re doing and I just have to sit here and let it happen. 

Huh. Yeah, you’re right. I never noticed how nice my bulge looks in these shorts. Maybe I’ll take your advice and just rest my hand there for a while. Mmm, yeah that feels good. What did you say, man? 

Oh, sure. Yeah, no worries. I guess it’s not important. Could you speak up, though? It’s hard to make out what you’re saying to me. I’m feeling a little confused here, man. Yeah, you’re right. There is a little more gray in my beard. Huh. When did that happen? 

I’m just going to close my eyes for a minute or two, man. I can’t stop thinking about something but I can’t remember what it is. It’s making me sleepy. 

Huh? Oh, sorry I nodded off on you, Son. Your old man got up pretty early to split the firewood and get all the chores done before cooking your breakfast. I know that’s no excuse, Son. Yes, Son, I apologize. Of course, Son, dad deserves to be punished for falling asleep when you’re talking. I guess you’ll be sending me to bed early tonight? Yes, Son. Your dad needs to be better at managing his time. Yes, Son. Your dad needs to be reminded who’s in charge. Yes, Son. 

It feels kind of weird wearing a t-shirt when I’m around you, Son. Would you mind if pops stripped to his skins? Thanks, Son. This feels much better. I work hard on my body and I like showing off for you, Son. You like the way my pecs and arms look, Son? You’re welcome to feel them to make sure they meet your approval. 

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