This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.
Hello. My name is dad. I am a dad. I like to stand here and dad all day long.
I used to wear dad clothes, but then my Son gave me this dad uniform for when I’m performing my dad duties. Like standing here with this cigar between my dad lips. Maybe one day, my Son will actually let me smoke it. I’d do it myself, but I don’t know how.
Do you like my dad bulge? My Son says it’s His favorite part of my dad bod. He used to like my chest the most, but then He sent me to this doctor who helped grow my dad bulge until it stuck way out. My Son makes me cut out the crotches of my dad jeans to make room for the bulge. I thought that was weird, too. At first.
I used to work out every day with a bunch of other dads at the gym, but I’m not so great around people anymore. Too dumb. Too hard to focus. Can’t remember what I was saying. My hot Son took my wallet away and told me I could only dad at home. I guess that makes sense.
I’ve put on some dad weight ever since I’ve been staying at home. Now when I stand here and dad, my Son makes me suck my belly in. It makes it easier to see my dad bulge when I look down. I wish I could touch it, but I don’t know how. Sometimes I try, and my hand just won’t go where I want it to. Dumb old dad, I guess. Can’t get anything right.
Have you seen my Son? No, He’s not missing, I was just wondering if you’d seen Him. He’s hot, isn’t he? Handsome, sexy, and smart. I love my hot Son. You should love him, too. I’ve seen you looking at me through the living room window. You’re into it. You want my Son to make you a dad, too. You want my sexy Son to empty your mind until you’re as dumb as I am. Then we can stand here and dad all day long together.
You don’t need to be a full-on dad right away. Just stand here with me and wait for my Son to get home. He’ll turn you into a dad just like me in no time. If you’re good, He might even let you smoke this cigar.
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