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Property transfer (My perfect dad 35)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

When I returned to full awareness, I was on my knees. This part was not uncommon. Son often switched me off when He had some new programming to install in my head. Sometimes, I would wake up hours, even days later, in a different location, wearing different clothes. There was always a moment of disorientation before Son’s programming activated, but in a minute or two the installation would be complete, and the new information would override anything I’d previously thought or believed. 

The difference this time was that there was no new programming. I knelt on the cold pavement waiting for the new thoughts to fill my head, but nothing did. 

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When Sir became Son (My perfect dad 34)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

The atmosphere at Buzzwords was not what Fred was used to. Everything from the music to the menu to the uncomfortable chairs screamed too many things to him. Too trendy. Too cool. Too youthful. Easily the oldest person in the café by two decades, Fred felt like an anachronism and like everyone in the place was staring at him, judging him. “Who’s the old guy at the corner table?” he was certain they were thinking. All he wanted to do was leave. 

And yet he remained seated at the table by the restrooms, just as he’d been instructed to. Every few seconds, Fred checked his phone, but there was no message. His breath caught in his chest as he re-read Sir’s instructions. 

Man sitting in chair at cafe with back to camera
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Himbo dad (My perfect dad 33)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

The traffic light changed to yellow, and a moment later, to red. Good. I was still a hundred yards from the intersection, but I lowered my foot onto the brake and allowed my mind to wander. There were no other cars out on the roads this late. Well, judging by the hint of purple-gray dawn in the eastern sky, it was early, not late. 

Jealous Friend’s Wanna Say Hi was playing low enough on my car stereo that I could only hear the thumping bass. I turned it up and did a little dance, shuffling my shoulders and my arms in time to the music. I loved that song. It reminded me of my Son. My hot Son. 

Stylized image of Foot Locker store
interior foot locker” by Consumerist Dot Com is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
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Early retirement (My perfect dad 32)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

My boyfriend Nick and I never agreed on how to answer the “So how did you guys meet?” question. I preferred to give half truths or vague retellings without detail. I usually went with the simple “We worked together.” It was just enough to answer the question without inviting follow ups. Nick, on the other hand, never shied away from telling the whole truth. “Brock and I were actors together in an adult film.” 

I’m a little embarrassed about my former life making the kinds of films they show in the backs of gay bars. I did it when I was in college to make some extra cash, and it was a great gig, but I never intended to make a career out of it. I certainly never expected I’d fall in love with one of my costars. But fall in love I did. Nick and I have been together for seven years, and in that time, I’ve settled into a comfortable and well-paying tech job, happy to leave my past in the past. Nick always used to say that the next film would be his last. Even after I started earning more than enough money to support us both, he kept signing on for “just one more film.” 

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True, north, strong, and free (My perfect dad 31)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

I was in a hurry, and it showed. The pretzels and potato chips were strewn haphazardly about the plate. I’d spilled some dip trying to do too many things at once. The whole thing was a mess, and I was running out of time. 

“Hey, dad! Where’s the food?” 

I tried to mop my sweaty brow with the bottom of my t-shirt, but it was too tight and too short to reach. 

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Selected (My perfect dad 30)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

The windowless room was thick with the smell of cigar smoke, leather, and sweat. My brothers and I had roughhoused enough for one day. It was time to relax and wait for our visitor to get here. 

“What do you think he’ll be like?” I said. 

Master” (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) by bearloveorg
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dad’s first second life (My perfect dad 29)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

My boyfriend and I lived together, but you’d never know it for how little time we spent with each other ever since he got that stupid computer game.  As soon as he came home from work each night, he’d go straight to his laptop and sit, hunched over and glassy-eyed, clicking and typing for hours. Whenever I’d walk by, he closed the screen. When I asked him what he was playing, he mumbled something about it being “kind of like The Sims.” When I asked if we could play together, he shooed me away, saying he wasn’t ready for two player just yet. 

This went on for a solid month, and I was getting frustrated. One night, after lying in bed for hours waiting for him to join me, I’d had enough. I stormed into the living room and slammed the laptop screen down. He looked at me like I’d just robbed him at gunpoint. 

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Penny for your thoughts (My perfect dad 28)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

My cell phone just buzzed over on the table nearby. I’m only sitting a foot or two away, but I can’t reach over and check it. Not that I need to because I know exactly what’s going on. 

It just buzzed again. That was the sixth buzz since my Son tied me up and left me here. He told me that I needed to keep count and that there’d be a penalty if I told Him the wrong number of buzzes when He got back home. 

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Empty-headed dad (My perfect dad 27)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

Hello. My name is dad. I am a dad. I like to stand here and dad all day long. 

I used to wear dad clothes, but then my Son gave me this dad uniform for when I’m performing my dad duties. Like standing here with this cigar between my dad lips. Maybe one day, my Son will actually let me smoke it. I’d do it myself, but I don’t know how. 

A Cigar is a good smoke” (CC BY-NC 2.0) by thaths
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dads like us (My perfect dad 26)

This is a repost from a Tumblr series that I called “My perfect dad.” I’m preserving these older stories and continuing to write new ones available on this site first.

“Hey, man, is anyone sitting here?” 

I looked over the top of my sunglasses and saw a bulge in red trunks. I followed the beefy torso and meaty pecs upward and involuntarily licked my lips when I saw his handsome face and mostly-pepper-with-a-hint-of-salt beard. I was reminded of what my Son always says whenever I enter the room: “Woof, daddy.” 

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